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la douleur.
kay soo. this ones gonna be a bit deep. i've been considering writing a "deep" blog for a while but i dont know how deep i can get without depressing all 3 of my readers. [that was a joke, i'm trying to lighten the mood before i dive in]. the topic? pain.
right now i feel like my ears are going to fall off and my head is throbbing because i just put in new spacers. you're probably thinking "why would you do that? a) its ugly and b) it HURTS". yeah, it hurts, but, as many of you have heard me say, i like it. and a lot of people get grossed and/or freaked out when i say this, but i dont mean it in a creepy way. theres actually a ... deep [for lack of a better word] meaning behind my "like" for pain. simply put, i think it numbs out all the other pains that i have to face. yeah i know, i have to overcome these pains some day, but there are some pains that only heal with time. and what better way to pass time than to numb oneself? get my logic? probably not.
*the next few paragraphs consist of me trying to explain my freak-of-nature ways, so if you already get me, no further reading is necessary.
theres also that rush that comes with pain. and now, when using the word pain i will broaden my spectrum. i'm also going to include fear into this dialog. i, personally, enjoy the rush that comes with pain/fear. i dont know, maybe im just weird, or maybe im one of many (all?) growing teens who like to get a thrill/high out of things every now and then. and i realize that when i use the word high it sounds like im an alcoholic / drug addict, but im not necessarily referring to that kind of high. i'm talking about the feeling of being suspended hundreds of feet in the air while hanging from a bungee cord, or getting the crap scared out of you by a movie where your own reflection can kill yourself. in the moment, you are hella scared/ in pain, but when its over, its the best feeling ever. its like "wow, i actually accomplished something crrazzyyy". and i've heard that that kind of yearning for a thrill goes away with age, so i say, live for the moment.
and then theres the pain that i just cant take. thats the pain im numbing . just thinking of that kind of pain hurts so much. just to name a few, these pains are failure, loss, rejection, exclusion, etc, etc. i think that things like that take time to get over, so yes, i am overcoming the pain, but it takes time, and in the meanwhile, i am trying to "forget" about it. and by "forget", i mean "numb".
to conclude about these pieces of plastic in my ears: when the pain goes away, i will say "woah. how on earth did u do something like that?" and at the same time, the pain makes me forget about everything else that just really, really hurts.
i hope you get it, and if you don't, thanks for bearing with me as i attempted to explain.
more later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008 @ 7:18 PM
0 believers
0 Believers:
(do you believe?)
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la douleur.
kay soo. this ones gonna be a bit deep. i've been considering writing a "deep" blog for a while but i dont know how deep i can get without depressing all 3 of my readers. [that was a joke, i'm trying to lighten the mood before i dive in]. the topic? pain.
right now i feel like my ears are going to fall off and my head is throbbing because i just put in new spacers. you're probably thinking "why would you do that? a) its ugly and b) it HURTS". yeah, it hurts, but, as many of you have heard me say, i like it. and a lot of people get grossed and/or freaked out when i say this, but i dont mean it in a creepy way. theres actually a ... deep [for lack of a better word] meaning behind my "like" for pain. simply put, i think it numbs out all the other pains that i have to face. yeah i know, i have to overcome these pains some day, but there are some pains that only heal with time. and what better way to pass time than to numb oneself? get my logic? probably not.
*the next few paragraphs consist of me trying to explain my freak-of-nature ways, so if you already get me, no further reading is necessary.
theres also that rush that comes with pain. and now, when using the word pain i will broaden my spectrum. i'm also going to include fear into this dialog. i, personally, enjoy the rush that comes with pain/fear. i dont know, maybe im just weird, or maybe im one of many (all?) growing teens who like to get a thrill/high out of things every now and then. and i realize that when i use the word high it sounds like im an alcoholic / drug addict, but im not necessarily referring to that kind of high. i'm talking about the feeling of being suspended hundreds of feet in the air while hanging from a bungee cord, or getting the crap scared out of you by a movie where your own reflection can kill yourself. in the moment, you are hella scared/ in pain, but when its over, its the best feeling ever. its like "wow, i actually accomplished something crrazzyyy". and i've heard that that kind of yearning for a thrill goes away with age, so i say, live for the moment.
and then theres the pain that i just cant take. thats the pain im numbing . just thinking of that kind of pain hurts so much. just to name a few, these pains are failure, loss, rejection, exclusion, etc, etc. i think that things like that take time to get over, so yes, i am overcoming the pain, but it takes time, and in the meanwhile, i am trying to "forget" about it. and by "forget", i mean "numb".
to conclude about these pieces of plastic in my ears: when the pain goes away, i will say "woah. how on earth did u do something like that?" and at the same time, the pain makes me forget about everything else that just really, really hurts.
i hope you get it, and if you don't, thanks for bearing with me as i attempted to explain.
more later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008 @ 7:18 PM
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Profile
simply put, i am not a simple person. i've tried this many times, but it is hard for me to describe myself in just a few short sentences. in terms of this blog, i started it as a place to which i cuold channel all of my thoughts, feelings and rants. it may not be your run of the mill blog, but its my blog, and its my thoughts and feelings. if i have offended you i any way, i apologize. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i don't want anyone to read my blog; in fact, i try my best to make it readable:amidst all my random thoughts i include pictures to keep you as a reader interested.
if you have any comments or questions, feel free to add them to my tagboard. thank you!
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